But, I want so badly to write; to formulate my thoughts. To express an emotion with efficiency and grace. To drive a point home. To feel the incomparable feeling of relief when everything is finally out in the open.
But yet, I can't find a topic to write about. So, this is what I do. I sit at my desk, start a new template, and I type. And type. Erase what I have written, and I start over.
The desire to accurately describe a feeling, to the point of simultaneously encouraging that feeling in others is something I strive to do. Always. I wish so deeply that you all could feel the happiness I do when I wake up next to my best friend every morning. Or, the sense of accomplishment I feel when I complete a work out. It really is as if all of my stresses are eliminated for a mere second. The beauty of feelings, though, is that they are completely unique to the individual, like snowflakes or zebra stripes, feelings vary in each being, and everyone feels them in their own way.
This drives me to believe that beauty in life is fleeting. We can be happy for seconds to hours to weeks at a time, but it can change in a moment. Life is made up of moments. I want to remember as many moments as I can.
I don't want to say YOLO (because it's dumb, first of all, but really who knows what happens after this life?), but I have a strong desire to truly live up to all of the expectations I have for myself. I have so many goals and wants and desires that it seems like it's not possible. It seems over confident to believe that I can accomplish everything I want in my mere 100 (if I am lucky) years of life.
It is so effortless to get so swept up by the melancholia of life, that we completely forget that we have such a short time to...be. To feel. To experience. To share. We have such a limited time to develop, to love. 100 years is nothing in the grand scheme of things. When we are caught up in the bustle of monetary problems, drama among relationships, guilt, fear, embarrassment, days drag on for what seems like weeks, and weeks feel like months, and months to years and suddenly it seems as if death is a myth, and that life is going to drag on forever. But the reality is, that life can be swept up from under our stance in less than a second.
So, before the inevitable takes action, I am going to do all I can to be. To feel. To experience. To share. To develop, to love.
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
