Have you ever felt like you could taste the good things coming in your life? Like, you are so close to all of the things that you want and wish for and dream about, that you can feel the ghosts of their impending presence? That's how I have been feeling a lot lately -- like all of the difficulty and struggle that I have endured over the last few years is finally going to prove it's value. Like if true happiness were a person, I could see them dancing in the distance.
In January, I finally bit the bullet and found a naturopathic doctor in my insurance network, and scheduled a visit with them. I was so nervous because of my previous experiences with Western doctors, and I was fearful of judgement from this practitioner but I couldn't have been more surprised. I was welcomed and validated immediately, and after a discussion of my personal and familial medical histories, we came up with a plan on how to naturally and healthfully alleviate my symptoms, as well as start building me up so that I can create a healthy lifestyle, and prepare my body for motherhood (in the future).
In combination with the counseling sessions I have been attending (one of the best decisions of my life -- I would recommend seeing a counselor to anybody), I really feel like a whole new woman, with a much better grasp on my physical, mental and emotional health.
I think the most important understanding I have gained through all of this, is the importance of valuing yourself as an individual, and taking the time for self-care. In years past, I would overload my schedule and take on way to much, in an attempt to please other people, provide for other people. I wouldn't quit things, even when I hated them because I didn't want to let other people down. But in reality, all I was doing was harming myself. Not allowing myself to feel things fully, and distracting myself from the realities of my life.
That is so unhealthy and self deprecating! Not feeling, not enjoying, not focusing on the now, and not taking time to slow down and take care of the miraculous machine that is your body only leads to unhealthy habits and a lack of lived life.
As graduation (*happy dance*) approaches, and this college phase of my life comes to an end (for now) all I can think about is taking the time to just be. Be still. Be calm. Be happy, Be healthy. For too long, I've considered anything other than school work to be a form of procrastinating. Even now, as I write this, I am thinking in the back of my mind "what else can I be doing right now?". But, I'm working to tune that idea out as I sit here writing, with the sound of sweet Oregon rain in the background.
It makes me sad to think of how many small and subtle things that I have missed over the last couple years, but I know that I can make up for it. The best me is still out there, but I see her dancing in the distance.
