Subtle Things & San Francisco Stole My Heart

For those that know me, they know I am a city girl at my very core. I love how small I feel in a city, like I am a part of something so much bigger. The sounds of cars and people talking and electricity calm me. I love being embedded in something so multifaceted and fast paced. 

As a Portland girl, I knew I would love San Francisco, but I was still taken aback by just how much I was captivated by this place, and every time I go back, I feel a stronger and stronger pull. 

This Spring Break, I was so lucky to be able to make the 10 hour drive down to the bay area with T and our best friends, and get my bay area fix. 

I had the best burrito of my life, got lost in the Mission, got in my first (minor) auto collision, took so many pictures, got pho and pedicures with my best friend, explored parts of SF that I had never seen, and even got to catch up with my aunt and cousins after many years. 

San Francisco is my happy place. 

On The Precipice of Subtle Things

Have you ever felt like you could taste the good things coming in your life? Like, you are so close to all of the things that you want and wish for and dream about, that you can feel the ghosts of their impending presence? That's how I have been feeling a lot lately -- like all of the difficulty and struggle that I have endured over the last few years is finally going to prove it's value. Like if true happiness were a person, I could see them dancing in the distance.

In January, I finally bit the bullet and found a naturopathic doctor in my insurance network, and scheduled a visit with them. I was so nervous because of my previous experiences with Western doctors, and I was fearful of judgement from this practitioner but I couldn't have been more surprised. I was welcomed and validated immediately, and after a discussion of my personal and familial medical histories, we came up with a plan on how to naturally and healthfully alleviate my symptoms, as well as start building me up so that I can create a healthy lifestyle, and prepare my body for motherhood (in the future).

In combination with the counseling sessions I have been attending (one of the best decisions of my life -- I would recommend seeing a counselor to anybody), I really feel like a whole new woman, with a much better grasp on my physical, mental and emotional health.

I think the most important understanding I have gained through all of this, is the importance of valuing yourself as an individual, and taking the time for self-care. In years past, I would overload my schedule and take on way to much, in an attempt to please other people, provide for other people. I wouldn't quit things, even when I hated them because I didn't want to let other people down. But in reality, all I was doing was harming myself. Not allowing myself to feel things fully, and distracting myself from the realities of my life.

That is so unhealthy and self deprecating! Not feeling, not enjoying, not focusing on the now, and not taking time to slow down and take care of the miraculous machine that is your body only leads to unhealthy habits and a lack of lived life.

As graduation (*happy dance*) approaches, and this college phase of my life comes to an end (for now) all I can think about is taking the time to just be. Be still. Be calm. Be happy, Be healthy. For too long, I've considered anything other than school work to be a form of procrastinating. Even now, as I write this, I am thinking in the back of my mind "what else can I be doing right now?". But, I'm working to tune that idea out as I sit here writing, with the sound of sweet Oregon rain in the background.

It makes me sad to think of how many small and subtle things that I have missed over the last couple years, but I know that I can make up for it. The best me is still out there, but I see her dancing in the distance.

Subtle Things & Ramblings

This week's six word memoir: 

Feeling ground beneath my feet again. 

The (not so) Subtle Hatred I Feel for Finals

Furiously treading water, barely keeping afloat. 

Subtle Things & This Week's 6-Word Memoir

I have always been captivated by the idea of six-word memoirs -- using succinct and beautiful language to convey meaning and experience in a limited frame.

I think that this format can really pull some incredibly mysterious but engaging combinations of word and feeling.

I'm hoping to share at least one a week.

Here goes nothing;

Beckoned to slow, and reasonably so. 

Subtle Things & Things to Look Forward to!

"18. Attend a concert. (Foo Fighters? Mumford and Sons? John Mayer? DMB?)" 

Goal number 18 is officially in the process: On September 12, the husband and I will be going to see the Foo Fighters World Tour at the Gorge Ampitheater!

I am so, SO excited! I haven't been to concert in almost two years, and I have never been to this beautiful performance venue, so I am really excited to make the trip out there with Tim.

The Foo Fighters are Tim's favorite band, hands down. They have been for as long as I can remember, and what's funny is that they never have been mine. Any songs that I did like of them were the ones that were commonly played on 105.1 the Buzz, or Z100. I remember many 'fights' over the choice of music in the car, or over what band played while we cleaned our home.

Last September though, when two of my best friends got married, they handed out a mixed CD as a wedding favor, and on it they had recorded the song "Home", by Foo. I don't know if it was the lyrics, or the personal relationship and meaning with the song that the two held so dear, but I quickly fell in love with the song, and I haven't looked back. It is still one of my favorites, and playing it instantly reaches a place in my soul that calms me and levels me.

I have 119 of their songs in my music library, more than any other artist. And now when Tim and I go on road trips or just want to listen to some awesome music, we have another mutual band on our list. (They join John Mayer, Michael Jackson and Mumford & Sons -- it's a very elite group.)

Plus, Dave Grohl is a pretty badass guy, and I like hearing what he has to say on a lot of issues, and supporting his music.

I definitely love this band more than I ever thought I would. I will admit that I questioned my interest for a while -- what are my reasons for this? Is it simply because my husband likes them, or am I personally invested?

I got my answer when I was driving to class the other day, and I found myself drumming on my steering wheel and belting out the lyrics to "Let it Die", and feeling fully in the moment, which is something that I have a hard time doing. These are the songs that I stay in the car longer than I need to, so I can listen to them in their entirety. The songs that I never skip when I have my playlists on shuffle.

It feels good to really enjoy something in such a personal way, but also have a mutual interest in with my husband. In a really subtle way, it makes me happier individually, and it brings another connected thread into my marriage.

I can't wait for September!

Subtle Things, and Goals & Dreams

I've never truly been satisfied with where I am.

This can be a good and bad thing. I don't settle for mediocrity, I don't like being stagnant. I am ambitious, and always looking towards the future.

But in the same regard, I also miss out a lot on what my life surrounds me with and offers me. I am so focused on reaching my destination, that I don't take in the joy and beauty and realization that occur during the journey or process.

This is a list of 24 things that I want to accomplish before I turn 24 (an old friend inspired me to do this!). This list both encompasses my need to improve and plan and push ahead, but also settles me and helps me to remember to stop and absorb the subtleties that life presents.

1. Graduate with my BA in Child and Family Studies from PSU. 
2. Contact a naturopathic doctor and get started on a holistic and spiritual journey towards health. (Yes, I put something on my list that I already accomplished, because that's the kind of person I am.) 
3. Become a yogi. Namaste. 
4. Maintain a deactivated Facebook account in order to separate myself from social media and present myself and my life in a more honest way.  5 months down! 
5. Hike Multnomah Falls, Angels Rest, and Oneonta Falls (Update: We've hiked this three times and love it!), among other gorge-ous (see what I did there?) trails. Update: 6/5 -- Punch-bowl Falls Hiked! Update: In August, we hiked to Triple Falls in the Oneonta Gorge. Update: Hiked to Wahclella Falls! 
6. Blog at least once a week. 
7. Get those tattoos you've been wanting forever.  I got 4 tattoos last year :)
8. Dance again. In your living room in your underwear, and in dance classes with friends. 
9. Narrow it down to a list of two grad schools and begin the application process. (Lewis & Clark, and Concordia?)  Update: Officially accepted into the MAT program at Concordia starting in  January! 
10. High school jeans, baby. (At least by the end of the year). 
11. Pay off all credit card debt, and one auto loan. 
12. Finally preserve my wedding dress, after fitting into it one last time. 
13. Say "no" to things that do not benefit me. 
14. Alternatively, find the courage to say "yes" more. 
15. Read at least 10 books on my reading list. (Currently: Amy Poehler's Yes, Please ; Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging out without Me? And Other Concerns.) 
16. De-clutter and simplify my home of material items. Do I really need that coffee maker, considering I don't drink coffee?
17. Take time off. From everything. 
18. Attend a concert. (Foo Fighters? Mumford and Sons? John Mayer? DMB?) Foo Fighters were so good. :3 
19. Cook more! 
20. Make time for friends and family. 
21. Do something once a day that does not revolve around school, work or chores. Nourish yourself. 
22. Start a 401k and savings plan. 
23. Attend counseling on a regular basis. Learn to sit with your emotions and anxieties, and move past them. 
24. Run a 5k. Even though I despise running. Because boobs. 

There you have it! Hopefully these goals and my accomplishment of them will foster and inspire some more blog posts. (Ahem, goal #6). 2015 is looking pretty swell.