Subtle Balance in All Things

And just like that, T and I ended our second round of Whole30. 

We started the month off prepared; we bought all the groceries we needed, meal planned, and even precut and prepped our food. 

But, even just one day in, T and I could tell that we just weren't in it. 

I've been feeling off balance for quite some time, because of how busy I've been the last five years with school and work. But even now that I'm in the exact opposite situation where I am only working and have so much more time to myself, I feel off kilter still. 

I read an article that someone posted, and it asked the following question: do you use Whole30 (and other detox/diet/whatever you want to call it programs) multiple times a year to justify disordered eating? 

And I got to thinking about how I eat, and how I generally live my life. I am an all or nothing person. While temptations arise, I flourish in the Whole30 when there are strict rules and guidelines to follow. And God knows that I can eat chocolate and sweets until I die. It's the middle ground, the every day life, the moderation that I can't seem to grasp. 

As someone who suffers from binge eating disorder, and has since childhood, I need to learn to honor that space of moderation, and find a balanced and real relationship with food -- not just eating whatever I want, or what some program tells me to. 

My journey to finding health in my life is far different than many others. It's not just about losing weight and working out at the gym, and eating low calorie cheats. For me, it's about finding the space in the middle where even after weight loss, I will live healthfully and happily. Balanced. 

Today, I tried to find that balance in my life. I found it in some ways, and overdid it in others. But going to the beach and doing something so peaceful and active made me excited for the summer and the ways that I am going to cherish and value myself. 

Here are some photos from today!