Subtle Things & Marriage

For as long as I remember, I have been a hopeless romantic.

I never went through a "boys-have-cooties" stage. I never wanted a relationship that wasn't committed. The principle of marriage has never scared me, but in fact has always sparked my daydreams. I have been planning my wedding since who knows when. When I am asked what I want to be when I grow up, the words 'wife' and 'mother' come before any career.

Now that I am engaged at the age of 20, to be married by the time I am 22, I find myself on the defense to people's sarcasm and opinions on the idea of marriage. I come across so many "you are too young" comments, or remarks about planning divorces as you plan your wedding, and it makes me sad. It makes me sad that marriage has become what it has. Something that is supposedly done too early in life, or on a whim, and something that will always end with divorce.

But regardless of the countries divorce statistics, or what marriages you have witnessed, don't predetermine the quality of someone else's marriage. Frankly, I don't give a shit if I am "too young", or that I am not done with school yet, or that statistically, my marriage has been forecasted to end in divorce because of this and that. I know that I am with the man I want to spend the entirety my life with -- the tragic and terrifying parts, as well as the blissful. I want to have children with him, and I want spend the rest of my life working on this relationship, so that when we are old, we have 50+ years of memories, a long line of family, and a lot of hard work to look back on and cherish before we pass away.

Don't call me naive, or optimistic. I know that marriage is a lot of effort, and there will be hard times, and there will be moments where we may want to call it quits. I've seen marriages fail, and I see marriages struggling, but what I understand is that when you get married, you are in it "for better and for worse". Instead of judging other people's marriages, just focus on your own. I think that people only prepare themselves for the good in marriage, and are completely taken aback when things get difficult. If you make sure that you, yourself, are ready to get married when the moment comes, and that you are understanding of the efforts necessary to make such a relationship work, then you will beat the statistics.

I also completely understand, that sometimes marriages can't be fixed, or that sometimes they shouldn't be fixed. This is not a judgement on people who have gotten divorced. I just feel that other people's marriages or divorces should not determine anyone else's marriages or divorces.

I am not rushing into anything. I am fully prepared for this, and I couldn't be more excited to become Mrs. Elmer. Despite the stereotypes, I am still a full-blooded hopeless romantic.

Subtle Things & Decisions

I remember feeling so much pressure when I was in high school to decide what I wanted to do when I grew up.  But, I didn't take it too seriously, though. I had time to decide.

First, I wanted to go to beauty school. Then, I wanted to go to a trade school to become a Licensed Massage Therapist. After that, dermatology. Then, I strayed from the medical field, and wanted to teach high school literature and English. And, then Kindergarten. And, now...

Well, now I am grown up. And, I have only small clues as to what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Well, that's a lie. I know exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to marry my best friend, and have a family with him. I want to travel. I want to devote my life to finding and maintaining my health. I want to enrich the lives of others. But, determining what career field I am going to work in, in order to fulfill all those aforementioned ideas... I am lost.

I'm a college sophomore, working in retail only to survive. I give credit where it is due to those who choose to work in such an area for life, but I could never. 2 long years it has been, and while I am fortunate to have me job, it has taught me that I definitely do not want to work there forever.

What I do know, is that I want to work with children. But where do I go from there? Do I get an associates degree? Or do I tough it out for the long haul and finish my BA in Child and Family Studies at PSU? Do I want to teach? Or should I work for a non-profit like Children International?

What is so scary, is that all of the things that I have desired for my life, always, are contingent upon the timing and the consequences of my decision.

Yep, all that pressure has caught up to me.