Subtle Things & New Experiences

It is such a blessing when dreaded obligations become exciting opportunities.

For once, I am actually excited to move! Tim and I have been living together for two years (almost) now, and we found out recently that we needed to move for several reasons; rent increases and inconsiderate neighbors among them. But, we have stumbled across the opportunity to live with our best friend, and I am so excited! I remember talking about being roommates in high school, and it is so crazy to see it actually happening.

We found a great place, that we can paint and make a home, and the rate is insanely affordable. Not only do we get to have a great year living with our best friend, which is something Tim and I both wanted to experience before we get married, but we get to save some money for our wedding. We move on July 10th, so if anyone wants to come help paint, let  us know!

Tim and I hope to stay in this apartment until we buy our first home -- I am so excited to turn this place into a happy home for us roommates, and when Josh decides to get his own place - eventually my little Elmer family! <3

Life is changing!

Subtle Things & Marriage

For as long as I remember, I have been a hopeless romantic.

I never went through a "boys-have-cooties" stage. I never wanted a relationship that wasn't committed. The principle of marriage has never scared me, but in fact has always sparked my daydreams. I have been planning my wedding since who knows when. When I am asked what I want to be when I grow up, the words 'wife' and 'mother' come before any career.

Now that I am engaged at the age of 20, to be married by the time I am 22, I find myself on the defense to people's sarcasm and opinions on the idea of marriage. I come across so many "you are too young" comments, or remarks about planning divorces as you plan your wedding, and it makes me sad. It makes me sad that marriage has become what it has. Something that is supposedly done too early in life, or on a whim, and something that will always end with divorce.

But regardless of the countries divorce statistics, or what marriages you have witnessed, don't predetermine the quality of someone else's marriage. Frankly, I don't give a shit if I am "too young", or that I am not done with school yet, or that statistically, my marriage has been forecasted to end in divorce because of this and that. I know that I am with the man I want to spend the entirety my life with -- the tragic and terrifying parts, as well as the blissful. I want to have children with him, and I want spend the rest of my life working on this relationship, so that when we are old, we have 50+ years of memories, a long line of family, and a lot of hard work to look back on and cherish before we pass away.

Don't call me naive, or optimistic. I know that marriage is a lot of effort, and there will be hard times, and there will be moments where we may want to call it quits. I've seen marriages fail, and I see marriages struggling, but what I understand is that when you get married, you are in it "for better and for worse". Instead of judging other people's marriages, just focus on your own. I think that people only prepare themselves for the good in marriage, and are completely taken aback when things get difficult. If you make sure that you, yourself, are ready to get married when the moment comes, and that you are understanding of the efforts necessary to make such a relationship work, then you will beat the statistics.

I also completely understand, that sometimes marriages can't be fixed, or that sometimes they shouldn't be fixed. This is not a judgement on people who have gotten divorced. I just feel that other people's marriages or divorces should not determine anyone else's marriages or divorces.

I am not rushing into anything. I am fully prepared for this, and I couldn't be more excited to become Mrs. Elmer. Despite the stereotypes, I am still a full-blooded hopeless romantic.

Subtle Things & Decisions

I remember feeling so much pressure when I was in high school to decide what I wanted to do when I grew up.  But, I didn't take it too seriously, though. I had time to decide.

First, I wanted to go to beauty school. Then, I wanted to go to a trade school to become a Licensed Massage Therapist. After that, dermatology. Then, I strayed from the medical field, and wanted to teach high school literature and English. And, then Kindergarten. And, now...

Well, now I am grown up. And, I have only small clues as to what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Well, that's a lie. I know exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to marry my best friend, and have a family with him. I want to travel. I want to devote my life to finding and maintaining my health. I want to enrich the lives of others. But, determining what career field I am going to work in, in order to fulfill all those aforementioned ideas... I am lost.

I'm a college sophomore, working in retail only to survive. I give credit where it is due to those who choose to work in such an area for life, but I could never. 2 long years it has been, and while I am fortunate to have me job, it has taught me that I definitely do not want to work there forever.

What I do know, is that I want to work with children. But where do I go from there? Do I get an associates degree? Or do I tough it out for the long haul and finish my BA in Child and Family Studies at PSU? Do I want to teach? Or should I work for a non-profit like Children International?

What is so scary, is that all of the things that I have desired for my life, always, are contingent upon the timing and the consequences of my decision.

Yep, all that pressure has caught up to me.

Subtle Things & Forgotten Beauty

Today is beautiful. Everything about today is beautiful.
It is so easy to be caught up in the stresses of life, and forget about the world around us; the natural, fresh beauty of our surroundings. It is a lovely sixty degrees outside, perfect weather to walk with my mother in, like I have already done this morning. It is the perfect temperature to sit on the couch with the doors and windows open, a blanket, and a good book, or paper and a pen. The loyal hummingbird who faithfully perches on the branch of a tree outside my patio every morning does not stray from it's routine. My cats are running through my apartment and playing with each other. My loving fiance accidentally butt-dialed me at work, so I got to hear his sweet voice before he hung up. I not only have a wonderful family, but also a soon to be set of in-laws that care so deeply about our well being. I am a lucky, lucky woman. And, I often forget that.

My life is a jumbled mess of necessity and preparation: school, work, wedding planning, bill paying, health management and several other preparations for my future often get in the way of acknowledging what is around me. I have always been someone who quickly grows impatient with being stagnant. I find enjoyment in improvement, happiness in growth, and staying in one place or position for too long encourages my frustration. Thus, my current life situation is not my ideal situation. I am so eager to be done with school, to get a new job doing what I enjoy, to have lost the weight, to marry my best friend and to start our family together, that I ignore the beauty in my life already.

I have a secure job, with room for growth and promotion, and benefits. I am a student, with ample time and freedom to decide where I want to get whatever degree I want to get in whatever field. I live with my best friend and the love of my life, and the gorgeous ring on my finger reminds me everyday how lucky I am. My mother loves me so much that she is willing to work by my side to help me get healthy. My sister and little brothers run to the door when they anticipate my arrival. I have food in my fridge and pantry. Lucky woman, indeed.

I have had the morning the myself, and for once, I feel rejuvenated. After walking in the sun with my mother and a little me-time, I feel refreshed and motivated. Here is to living in the moment!